我的悲喜，不必有你的感同身受
by RubyHHF
每个人都有自己的经历、观念、认知、行为与处境。所以，我们是不是时常会掉进一个小小的“陷阱”里：觉得自己的悲喜，需要别人也感同身受？
为什么我这么悲伤，他却没有安慰我？为什么我取得了一点进步，她却没有感受到我的快乐？为什么我说了这么多，他还是不能理解我？
于是，我们慢慢产生一种感觉：好像没有人真正理解我，也没有人能够真正与我共情。
但其实，事情也许并没有那么严重。如果一个人时常以祝福的心态看着你，为你的快乐而快乐，在你低落的时候愿意理解你、支持你——那当然是你的福气。请感恩，也请珍惜。但如果没有，也很正常。每个人都站在自己的生命经验里，看这个世界，也看你。
有人理解你、支持你，这是人与人之间珍贵的连接；有人不理解你、不认同你，也许只是因为我们本来就不同。这其实也是一种多样性。甚至，它本身就是一体两面。
我们总是希望别人理解自己、认同自己，“你必须理解我。”“你必须认同我。”“你必须按照我认为正确的方式回应我。”可是，为什么呢？别人没有义务成为自己的回声。真正重要的，可能并不是别人有没有理解你，而是——你是否理解自己。
慢慢建立自己的主体性。忠于自己的判断，认真对待自己的决定，也认识到每一个判断和决定的重要性，并愿意为它们带来的后果负责。不是因为别人说你好，你才觉得自己是对的；也不是因为别人不理解你，你就开始怀疑自己。在第一性原理之下，知道自己为什么这样想，为什么这样选择，然后承担它。这样，你会一点点变得坚定。
但这里还有另外一件同样重要的事情：坚定自己，不等于抓死自己。你今天相信的事情，未来可能会改变。你的认知会变，习惯会变，判断会变，决定也会变。甚至连构成“你”的每一个细胞，都在不断经历生与灭。今天的我，可以忠于今天的判断。明天的我，也可以在新的经验里重新认识今天的我。这并不一定意味着背叛自己。也许恰恰是一种更深的诚实。
所以，我越来越觉得，在这个变化很快的时代，我们同时需要两件事情：
一是建立自己的轴心，不轻易被外界牵着走；
二是知道“我”也不是一块永远不会移动的石头。
坚定，但不僵化。忠于自己，但不执著于某一个版本的自己。需要被理解的时候，允许自己渴望理解；没有被理解的时候，也不因此否定自己。
于是，我想说：我的悲喜，不必有你的感同身受。但请你看见自己的悲喜。你可以不理解我的悲伤。也可以不分享我的快乐。我也不必强迫你进入我的世界。但愿我们都能够认真地看见自己的悲伤、自己的快乐、自己的困惑、自己的微小幸福。因为当一个人真的开始看见自己的时候，也许才慢慢拥有了理解另一个人的可能。而又或许，有一天我们会发现，你以为只有自己才经历过的悲伤，我也曾经历过。你以为只有自己才懂得的快乐，我也曾拥有过。
原来，我们不必时时刻刻感同身受，才可以彼此靠近。有时候，只需要各自看见自己的悲喜。然后在某一个瞬间，发现它们竟然也是同一种悲喜。
——RubyHHF 2026. 10.2
A Quiet My Joys and Sorrows Do Not Require Your Empathy
Everyone has their own experiences, perspectives, ways of understanding, ways of acting, and circumstances.So, do we sometimes fall into a little “trap”—the feeling that our joys and sorrows need to be deeply felt and understood by others, too?
Why am I so sad, yet they don’t comfort me?
Why have I made progress, yet she doesn’t seem to share my happiness?
Why, after I’ve said so much, do they still not understand me?
And so, we gradually begin to feel that no one truly understands us, and that no one can truly empathize with what we are going through.But perhaps it doesn’t have to be that serious.If someone consistently looks at you with a heart that wishes you well—if they can be happy for your happiness, and are willing to understand and support you when you are down—that is certainly a blessing.Be grateful for it, and cherish it. But if they cannot, that is normal too. Everyone sees the world, and sees you, from within the context of their own life experiences. When someone understands and supports you, that is a precious connection between two people. When someone does not understand or agree with you, perhaps it simply means that we are different. That, too, is a form of diversity. In fact, these may simply be two sides of the same coin. When we constantly hope that others will understand and affirm us, that hope can gradually become a form of attachment.
“You must understand me.”
“You must agree with me.”
“You must respond to me in the way I believe is right.”
But why?
Other people are not obligated to become an echo of ourselves. Perhaps what truly matters is not whether other people understand you, but whether you understand yourself.
Gradually, build your own sense of agency.Be true to your own judgments. Take your decisions seriously. Recognize the importance of each judgment and decision, and be willing to take responsibility for the consequences they bring. You do not have to believe you are right simply because someone tells you that you are good. Nor do you have to start doubting yourself simply because someone does not understand you.
Ground yourself in first principles. Know why you think the way you do, and why you choose what you choose. Then take responsibility for those choices. In this way, you gradually become more grounded and more certain of yourself. But there is something equally important here:Being grounded in yourself does not mean holding on to yourself too tightly.
What you believe today may change in the future. Your understanding will change. Your habits will change. Your judgments will change. Your decisions will change. Even every cell that makes up “you” is constantly undergoing birth and death. So why do we need to cling so tightly to one fixed version of the self? The self I am today can be faithful to the judgments I make today. And tomorrow, with new experiences, I can see today’s self in a new light. That does not necessarily mean betraying myself. Perhaps it is, in fact, a deeper form of honesty. So I have come to feel that, especially in a rapidly changing world, we need two things at the same time:
First, we need to establish our own inner axis, so that we are not easily pulled around by the outside world.
Second, we need to understand that this axis is not a stone that can never move.
Be grounded, but not rigid. Be true to yourself, but do not become attached to any single version of yourself.
When you need to be understood, allow yourself to long for understanding. When you are not understood, do not let that become a reason to deny yourself.
So I want to say: My joys and sorrows do not require your empathy. But please, see your own joys and sorrows.
You do not have to understand my sadness. And you do not have to share my happiness. I do not need to force you to enter my world. But I hope that we can all learn to truly see our own sadness, our own happiness, our own confusion, and our own small moments of joy. Because when a person truly begins to see themselves, perhaps they slowly become capable of understanding another person, too. And perhaps, one day, we will discover the sadness you thought only you had ever experienced,
I have experienced it too. The happiness you thought only you could understand,
I have known it too. Perhaps we do not need to constantly feel exactly what one another feels in order to draw close. Sometimes, all we need is to each see our own joys and sorrows. And then, in a certain moment, discover that they are, after all,
the very same joys and sorrows.
— RubyHHF, October 2, 2026
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小红书：RubyHHF
IG：rubyhhf
风过炎海 浣月于心 The Wind Passing the Burning Sea, Cleansing the Moon Within
RubyHHF，画家、写作者。她以绘画与诗歌记录日常中令人珍爱的微小事物与心灵感触，在轻盈与哲思之间，探索如何从混沌回到清明、从欲望回到温柔。她相信艺术既是向外的沟通，也是向内的疗愈，更是流动时代⾥⼀种安静⽽坚定的定锚⼒量。她常以油画、水彩及手写文字回应自我与周遭的情绪和能量，让作品保留鲜明的人性温度与手作质感。她的创作融合温暖、可爱、幽默与觉知，像一朵在夜之山谷泥土中缓缓绽放的花。
自述：
我并不描绘答案。
我描绘状态。
在光与影之间，在动与静之间，在尚未命名的停顿里，我寻找那种尚未完全抵达的瞬间。
那一刻，既不是黑暗，也不是光明。
它是过渡，是呼吸，是心跳前的一寸空白。
我的创作始于日常
花园、山坡、月光、风、咖啡、雨雾中的歌声。
但它并不止于日常。
当我持续观照，事物会褪去表层的形态，显露出结构：
根系交织，石头沉默，风旋转自己，
花从伤口处生长。
诗与绘画于我而言，并非两种媒介。
它们是一种往返
画引出诗，诗再推回图像。
在这种往复之间，情绪冷却，语言沉淀，
痛点被慢慢转化为稳定的结构。
我关心“中间态”。
潮水起落之间，
呼吸未尽之间，
光未完全照亮之前。
那里没有戏剧性的胜利，
只有持续的凝视。
在快速变化的时代里，我坚持手作的温度。
油彩的厚度、纸张的纤维、手写的线条，
是我与世界保持真实触感的方式。
它们让我在纷扰之中，仍能返回内在的轴心。
我相信艺术不是逃离现实。
它是一种定锚。
一种在流动中保持不动的力量。
若我的作品能提供任何意义，
那只是一个场域
允许人短暂停下，
辨认风向，
听见心中尚未说出的声音。
在那片尚未完全成形的光里，
每一个选择，
都可能生出一朵花。
——RubyHHF
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RubyHHF is an artist and writer whose practice combines painting and poetry to preserve the quiet beauty of everyday life and the subtle movements of the inner world. Moving between lightness and philosophical reflection, She explores how one might move from chaos toward clarity, and from desire toward tenderness.
She believes that art is not only a means of communicating with the world, but also a path toward inner healing—a quiet yet steadfast force of grounding in an ever-changing age.
Working primarily in oil painting, watercolor, and handwritten text, she responds to her own emotions and the energies of the world around her. Her works retain a distinct sense of human warmth and the tactile presence of handmade creation.
Her work weaves together warmth, innocence, humor, and mindful awareness, unfolding like a flower that slowly blossoms from the earth of a valley beneath the night sky.
Artist Statement:
I do not paint answers.
I paint states of being.
Between light and shadow, between motion and stillness, within the pause that has yet to be named, I search for the moment that has not fully arrived.
It is neither darkness nor light.
It is transition, breath, the space before the next heartbeat.
My work begins with the everyday
gardens, slopes, moonlight, wind, coffee, songs in rain and mist.
Yet it does not end there.
Through sustained contemplation, forms shed their surfaces and reveal their structures:
roots intertwining, stones in silence, wind rotating within itself,
flowers growing from the site of a wound.
For me, poetry and painting are not separate mediums.
They are a reciprocal movement
an image calls forth a poem, and the poem returns to reshape the image.
Within this exchange, emotion cools, language settles,
and points of pain slowly transform into stable structures.
I am drawn to the in-between state.
Between the rise and fall of tides,
between one breath and the next,
before light fully illuminates.
There are no dramatic victories there
only sustained attention.
In an era of acceleration, I remain devoted to the tactile.
The thickness of oil paint, the fibers of paper, the trace of handwriting
these are how I preserve authenticity,
how I return to an inner axis amid constant flux.
I do not believe art is an escape from reality.
It is an anchoring.
A force that remains still within movement.
If my work offers anything,
it is a field
a space where one may pause,
discern the direction of the wind,
and hear the voice within that has yet to speak.
In that light not yet fully formed,
every choice
may give birth to a flower.
——RubyHHF